16 September 2010

Ugly truths I dare not tell my girlfriends

One night, when I had dinner with my girlfriends, one of them showed me her birth chart with her iPhone, alongside with her dream man’s. She was speaking some psychic language which is as easy to understand as Japanese to me. “His Moon sign compels him to withdraw his emotions in front of someone close to him. And my Venus sign forced me to remain composed even my passion is as intense as fire.”

“By the way, my Feng Shui master told me last week that if I place pink crystal balls in the northwest corner of my bedroom, I’m able to change my love fate, that I won’t be marrying a divorced man in my first marriage, which will only come up in my forties (sigh).”

You know how I responded? I did the usual girl-bonding thing: lying. “Yeah, he may not be able to get in touch with his feelings right now. And you shouldn’t rush into things. It does you no good.”

“I’m not sure about the crystal balls but I believe they can empower you. At least, you should forget your doomed love fate.” I spoke the half-truth.

In fact, my mind kept murmuring an Oscar Wilde quote, “Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.”

The obvious is: you are not young, beautiful and hot enough, darling. If you are a sweet hot babe, he will leap to you in no time without any signals from the Universe.

She’s the kind of ordinary that can’t be fixed with mere makeup skills. My sense of being a good friend tells me to suggest cosmetic surgery, which is going to make her unfriend me forever.

Whenever I heard bullshit from my girlfriends, I always wish I have the courage to speak up the truth.

"I know he loves me by the way he treats me in bed. At least he’ll miss me. I give him things his girlfriend is not willing to give."

What I say: “I think their relationship is fragile already. It’s a matter of time but you shouldn’t wait.”

Truth: “Honey, there’s no hope in upgrading yourself from FWB to girlfriend (but you can do the other way round). Thanks to your help, he’s got no reason to leave his girlfriend now.”

"I love him as a friend but the chemistry is just not there. I can’t help falling for other guys even they treat me worse."

What I say: “Well, love can’t be forced right?”

Truth: “You’ll regret giving up a husband material in 10 years’ time. By that time you’ll be sleeping alone because bad boys are no longer interested in your sagging body. Just fuck him and get that ‘chemistry’, would you?”

"I have no mood in having sex with my hubby. His advance is becoming annoying."

What I say: “Well, a relationship shouldn’t be assessed by the frequency of sex right? No-sex relationship is the New Black!”

Truth: “Hey love, your husband will be sleeping with prostitutes in no time. What do you think he bought you the rock for?”

Sometimes I wonder why I’m such a coward. Maybe because the truth I see is too sexist, contrary to what women believe in these couple of decades. Maybe because I think women actually know the truths and just want to hear something they want to hear. Or maybe because I want them to do me the favour back when I’m in similar situations. As Pedro Almodovar’s movies depict, women lying and hiding is their second nature. It’s how they survive.

So tell me, is honesty the best policy, huh?


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