11 February 2010

Angels. Please.


Salute! Ladies and Gentlemen! It is that time of the year again!!
When Christmas is only just 10 months away! Oh boy am I excited or what?! Now for those of you who have the un/fortunate experience of hanging out with a Christian Fellowship (or worked in a lame office) during Christmas, you might have played a game called ''secret angel'. The rules? I have not a clue, nor do I care. This paragraph only serves as a irrelevant introduction. (ed- He does this all the time, go ahead! check his older post!)

However, I do play a game called ''secret demon' daily and the game involves me acting like a jerk to a group of people secretly and treating them like shit for as long as they can take it. Then I move on to the next group. I always win. Good times.

While we are on the subject of Angels, the word Angel is probably the most misused word of our times. Together with babe/baby, sweetheart, honey, dude, dawg, man, bitch, my ni*ger and muthafuckers.

Probably.

So as the Pub's official lame jester senior religious correspondent, much like a friend who kindly reminds you it's a guy and not a chick winking at you in the streets of Bangkok, I felt it is my duty to, show you what Angels are really like.

One quick search in the amazing Google machine brought me picture of Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz. Nice.

While I can imagine when most people mentioned Angels, they usually have the white people with a pair wings kind of angels in mind . (I googled Black Angels, and it's white people with black clothes and black wings? WTF? Where are the coloured Angel?!)

Why not let me show you how some of the Angels are like in the kingdom of Heaven? Because we all know that Christian Angel are the most bestest Angels!!!! (Even thou Muslim recognize Angel as messengers of God too. but nobody care about those angels. really. and we are not going to talk about them. now.)

Meet the Seraphim - according to the my super duper reliable source (Wikipedia?)-

The Seraphim serve as the caretakers of God's throne and continuously shout praises: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts. All the earth is filled with His Glory." The name Seraphim means "the burning ones."

If you think continuously shouting the same phase for all eternity is awkward wait till you read how these guys look like...

The Seraphim have six wings; two covering their faces, two covering their bodies ("feet"), and two with which they fly.

What? Not white people with a pair wings attached to their back?

Also there are:
The Cherubim: whom have four faces: A lion, Ox, Eagle and Man, much like a walking zoo.

The Ophanim: appear as a beyrl-coloured wheel-within-a-wheel, their rims covered with hundreds of eyes. Not even Jay-z has rims like that y'all

Now these are just a few of the Angels in the kingdom of heaven, apparently there are many many types of Angels and some actually are supposes to look like people with wings attached to them!! (rejoices! Renaissance Artists!). While much like human, they all have very different purposes and shapes, but..unlike human who has the power of the freewill, all of them are powerful machine who were designed by Gendo Ikari to follow God's order mindlessly and perfectly.

One of them actually tried to start his own business and ended up being blackballed for all eternity, but at least he got his own apartment downstairs to get away from those annoying Seraphim and a whole music genre dedicated to him/her.

So next time when you've decided to call someone an Angel, be more specific. But if you just wanted to call him/her an Angel to show what a mindless creature who follows without question he/she is, you probably got it right, man/dawg/dude/babe/honey/sweetheart/my n*gger/muthafucka.










3 comments:

  1. That picture does not show Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu or Cameron Diaz. It's the cast of the original Charlie's Angels TV series - Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson and Jaclyn Smith.

    ReplyDelete
  2. WOW, thanks for pointing that out!

    Guess we should fire Eric...lol!

    ReplyDelete
  3. We are honored to have Sherlock Holmes visting our pub.

    Seriously, welcome Spike, and thanks for coming and most importanly thank you for reading.

    You in H.K? why not join us for a Beer on the 18th?

    ReplyDelete

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