26 February 2010

Preserve Hong Kong!

Our Echoes Of The Rainbow has won the prestige Crystal Bear award at the Berlin Film Festival recently. Now people are talking about preserving the historically significant Wing Lee Street. The Libertines Pub is now contemplating the making of a movie that will be shot all over Hong Kong. If we're lucky, we may win a prize in some international film fests and there will be a reason to call a halt to all developments in this Village. Hong Kong will finally stay as it is forever! Because we know that every Villagers hate seeing something like this. We all hate the Star War Hong Kong in guts. We hate the developments in West Kowloon, we prefer something like this. We hate crossing our beloved river harbour in this manner, we prefer this. Hong Kong should look like this...maybe this...no...not preservationist enough...we want Hong Kong this way!

Considering the advancement in our historical awareness, we can soon strike out "Hi-tech" and call our lovely home the Village instead. Have a nice weekend!

Not taking side is a side itself




It’s always easier for us to understand human nature when we divide it like a watermelon: cut them into halves and dive our spoons into each. That’s why we form teams. Team Jolie and Team Aniston. Team Conan and Team Leno. Team Jacob and Team Edward.

Then, people tend to fall into a fallacy that if you are not Team White, you must be Team Black, or if you don’t take side, you don’t use your head and heart to think and care or you don’t have the strength to step up.

This fallacy is gaining its popularity in local context. If you are not Team Anti-XRL, you must be Team Establishment. If you are not Team Long Hair, you must be Team Bowtie. If you are not Team De Facto Referendum, you must be Team Commie. If you aren’t on either team, you’re just another indifferent, ignorant and selfish villager, who is blinded by the economic sweeteners showered by our government and Motherland.

Once I was asked about my view on the Democratic Party. I said they are working for a good cause even though the means they use won’t be working. We can’t hate them because of the limitations they are subjected to. Then someone argued that the Democrats have been milking our sympathy and support for good causes all these years. Suddenly, the discussion turned into a Good vs Evil debate on the party. I felt weak as I secretly agree with what my mate said.

Truth is, people act on mixed motives, just like an over-enthusiastic Christian friend or your insurance agent. They can do you a favour truly from their heart on one hand, and hope a favour back on the other. I may not like their dark side but I don’t need to despise them. I can even like them as a human, or offer my support when there’s no better candidate.

Back to the debate, both views are just capable of co-existence without conflicts. We don’t need to take sides, and it doesn’t mean we don’t have a well-thought-out opinion. It may be that a side, a school of thought or a political camp that can soundly represent us hasn’t existed yet, or our thinking is not that one-dimensional to represent.

Regarding to Jacob and Edward, can I have both? =P




25 February 2010

Fucktard Ads: Be NetWise



Don't say we didn't warn you. Your comments are read by a lot of people. Think before writing; be NetWise! It's a matter of life and death as Internet is Serious Business.

Drama

The public consultation period on the 2012 constitutional review came to an end last Friday. The HKSAR Gov't claimed that they received about 40,000 submissions. They will summarise and put them to the LegCo for vote before this summer.

As we all know, the consultation is really just a consultation, no more. The Gov't has her own agenda (or received instructions) on this issue, though she tried very hard to pretend that she is not. Last Friday, Association for Democracy and People's Livelihood (ADPL) and the Democratic Party met the Gov't officials submitting their opinions and suggestions. After the meetings, both the Gov't officials and representative from each party expressed positive comments. In such settings, it's very likely the Gov't can get the chop from the LegCo.

Readers, do you feel like watching a drama or TV show that the actors are performing according to the scripts only? While civilians like us, the audience, the main stakeholders in the issue, aren't having any significant role in this. I am pessimistic in politics, even the most successfully democratic country in the world is having a "frozen" capital at the moment. Are the House and Senate really fighting for the best for their citizen? All of them are at least having the responsibility towards their voters, what if a legislation organization and government are not responsible to general public? The outcome should be obvious.

I'd rather back to the screen watching a real drama to fulfill my fantasy in politics.

24 February 2010

Hong Kong is overflowed with Angry People

Yes, there are far too many angry people in this Village. At least we have 3,000+ here.

What've you done during the Chinese New Year holiday? I was busying myself with different trivial things IRL and never had a chance to watch this important TV ad featuring a cartoon Donald Tsang and our favourite piggie McDull until today. I didn't even have a chance to get enraged and write thousands words accusing Bowtie, the authors of McDull, and every other shits I got over the Chinese New Year holiday, ROARRRRR!!!!!! I guess I should hop on the bandwagon by joining the 3,000+ angry folks there. Just need to do a hypocrisy check, or else I'd have to leave the group in two days if somebody found me...

This cartoon ad, which I guess millions of people in Hong Kong ignored, got on the nerves of those 3,000+ people in Facebook, a university lecturer, a few influential bloggers/columnists like this, this and that.

They basically thought that McDull was sold out. Their favourite piggie was sold out to the evil Darth Bowtie.

They thought McDull represents certain mysterious values/points of view/ideology/Weltanschauung of Hong Kong. This piggie is the most sacred of all cartoon characters, and Darth Bowtie's co-existence with him is the worst blasphemy that could ever happen.

WTF.

I could hate Donald Tsang for many other things he did, or did not do. But making a big fuss out of that 30-second, entirely negligible, cartoon ad for Chinese New Year sounds a bit...stupidly fussy to me. I know you fans of McDull would say that I don't understand the values/points of view/ideology/Weltanschauung McDull represents. Well...yes, I don't understand. Go back to your FB page and have fun there. Don't watch the next McDull movie, throw all your McDull merchandises away. Feel good about your righteousness from there.

I only ask you commentators for one simple favour. Stop quoting Haruki Murakami's Jerusalem Prize speech. It really gets a bit tasteless by now. Whenever you're not happy about something the government did, you quote Murakami's egg-wall metaphor. I couldn't help but asked Haruki Murakami how he feels about that. Oh eggs, sometimes I am more disgusted by rotten eggs than big tall wall, please.

3,000 rotten eggs make a tasteless System called Bandwagon. We made the System and it starts to "take on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others – coldly, efficiently, systematically."

23 February 2010

On Being Alone


Edward Hopper, The Automat

Hong Kong, like any other modern metropolises, is of a lonely temperament. Crowded, but everyone bears a soul which is rendered impossible to fathom. Anthropologists, however, invite us to a paradox of life. The definition of existence, we are told, is far removed from medical science. It depends not on the circulation of blood or the silent beating of the heart, but on the presence of fruitful companions and someone we could share our bed with.

The mindset of the people of Hong Kong seem so in accordance with that of anthropologists. So much insistence they have on socialisation, the vice of spending time alone ought to be unlearned.

If we happen to read a book out of intellectual pleasure at the corner table in Starbucks, strangers who are seated across may marvel at the reasons of our solitude. Because Hong Kong seems too lively a city for anyone to enjoy solitude and the act of reading a book for intellectual pursuit suggests that there is something unspeakable behind the reason of our lack of companions. If we are found devoid of any romantic partners in our mid 20s, the herd instinct may demand a peculiar form of curiosity which suggests that our sexual orientation may somehow differ from that of majority.

But what is wrong with being alone? We have been taught that looking up at the sky and lying in the grass are a waste of time because productivity is the key to success. We are living in the age where being successful means owning a Mercedes or Porsche. The definition of failure is determined by the media and the public opinion. Therefore, it is deemed too inevitable and desirable to keep ourselves occupied at all times. Our busy days are supposed to be dense with meetings with clients and business partners rather than spent alone.

Driven by financial necessity, our pleasures are as strenuous as our work. Most ordinary men have to work overtime and moonlight to please their employers and secure a stable income. Our busy yet tedious weekdays leave us no time for slow thought out of which wisdom is distilled. The arguments between husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends, our worries about the uncertainties of future, the unmentionable peer pressure, all these futilities contribute to our days because the herd mentality condemns silent immobility. Such degree of solitude, however, is impossible if we refuse to learn how to be alone. People say metropolises are full of lonely souls. We are lonely not because loneliness is desirable, but because we are deprived of the right to do whatever we want. Before we understand the value of being alone, most of the minutes of our days will still be largely given to futile bustle.

W

22 February 2010

New feature!- How pissed off is Motherland this week?

Happy Monday, folks! I'm proud to present to you the very 1st ''How pissed off is Motherland this week''

Every week or two, maybe 3 (depending on how my ADHD medicine stockpile is doing.) yours truly will be assessing on what's happening around the World and just how our dearest beloved glorious motherland (PRC dudes, not Pandora!) is feeling about it.

But he's no expert in Chinese politic! I hear you say. To which I reply:

Hell yeah you are correct. In fact I'm no expert in anything at all.
But I will promise you this, like a true journalist (from Apple Daily), I shall be reporting with minimal fact and as much fabrication as possible in order to reach my ultimate goal which is post something in the pub weekly so Henry can leave me the hell alone to bring you the truth from the gut?

Enough silly introduction, time for some silly content.

This week, we look at the Dalai Lama's visit to the White House and just exactly how ''RAGE!'' our beloved glorious motherland is.

Things isn't going well when media around the world were quick to uses words like ''Anger'' and even official mouth piece of Motherland Ma Zhaoxu actually went ahead and started bitching bout it:

''The U.S. act amounted to serious interference in Chinese domestic affairs, and has seriously hurt the feelings of the Chinese people and seriously damaged China-U.S. relations
''

By God! That's why I was seriously in tears for the past few days. My feelings are seriously shattered!!!! I'm seriously sure something like this has never seriously happened before!! Right?

Hey I know that guy! He was the king of democracy or something.....


Is that Bill?

OMG! I can imagine Motherland must be soooooo pissed off right now!! Is this the beginning of WWIII? The NY Times mentioned that: ''China, which regards the Dalai Lama as an advocate of Tibetan independence, said that it was “strongly dissatisfied” and that it expected the United States to try to make amends.''

Strongly dissatisfied? Which is why Motherland also ''lodged'' a ''formal'' complaint to Jon Huntsman the U.S Ambassador to PRC. Strongly I supposed.

Make amend like how? Like sending 5000+ tourist to one of motherland's dying village in order to boost their economy and increase the sleaziness of Wan Chai?

That's some hardcore stuff!!! The earth is shaking from Motherland's anger!! (oh never mind is all that coffee I drank)

Looks like even thou, on the surface, Motherland is all bitching about Dalai Lama's visit, but in reality, it really isn't that big of a deal.

FINAL VERDICT:
This week, I'm gonna give Motherland 2 1/2 angry Emperor's heads







Angry? Been there; done that. More like annoyed.


Next week, join me as we assess how Motherland is feeling about TVB's new 9:30pm drama. RAGE! guaranteed

19 February 2010

The Libertines Pub Weather Report

The Libertines Pub issues a Very Hot Weather Warning today. We want to alert our readers the risk of heatstroke and sunburn due to very hot weather. We also advised the Home Affairs Department to consider the need to take actions, such as the opening of temporary shelters. Below you will find our regional air temperature map (Updated every 30 seconds):


Our reporters are all over the city to bring you the latest update of our citizens' life under this hot weather. Despite the burning heat thousands of people gathered in the Victoria Park to yell "No Donald Tsang!"


Other smarter people found a better way to spend this hot Friday! They headed to the Repulse Bay to enjoy the sunshine!


Dear readers, feel warmer better now?

18 February 2010

Free Beer tonight!

Ready to claim your free beer tonight at the Stag's Head? Over the week, we've seen some new faces in our Facebook fanpage; somebody must have been working on the free drink we said we're offering here.

Just come and join us for the hell of it. Even if you've not invited anybody to our FB page, there might be a chance that our Bambi Cherryboom thinks you're hot enough and will make me buying you a pint! We'll be there 7pm onwards!

Our official Twitter hashtag: #LPFreeBeer, see you there!

The Pressure to Tie the Knot


Kung Hey Fat Choi! May our readers be as wild and catty as the Tiger in the new year.

There’s no time my company is more “westernized” than the Chinese New Year. Most of my married managers pretend they are gweilos and gweipos in this 15-day festive break, “unaware” of the Chinese tradition of delivering red packets to their single slaves colleagues, when they are as face-loving as the local officials in the rest of the year. A slight hint or suggestion of that (for example, a trying-too-hard passionate new year blessing) would mean you’re a corrupt, uncivilized and anachronistic creature in the inhuman globalised business word.


In private scenarios, the guilt or shame of receiving red packets from your married acquaintances began to kick in, especially when you’re hitting the reproductive deadline “right” age to get married. When I was a child, the Chinese New Year was the Event of the Year, because red packets are my only source of freely disposable income. However, when I grew up and became a member of taxpayers breadwinners, the idea of receiving de facto subsidy from my retired grannies / to-be-retired parents send a surge of blood to my cheeks, as if I had asked a guy out (I never do of course).

The worse happens to my encounter with the peer group. Many of my friends were hitched in this couple of years. Of course the playful me would still open my palms to welcome their reluctant cash giving blessings and loving gesture. However, the sophisticated me can’t help thinking: Um…you have mortgage to pay and children to raise, while I have my drinks/dinners/movie tickets paid by someone. No thanks. Please skip me the guilt.

To compensate my sense of unfairness in the Chinese New Year, I successfully come up with the following privileges the paired-ups legitimately enjoy.

  • They enjoy cheaper prices in buying travel packages. Ever wonder why travel agencies’ special offers are always limited to two adults sharing a bedroom? Why the rate of a single bedroom is far more than half of that of a double bedroom remains an unsolved mathematical mystery. A single person occupies half the space after all (some research even shows married people are getting bigger!)
  • The marrieds are granted tax allowance (i.e. married person’s allowance) even though they enjoy economies of scale in terms of daily expenses. The Inland Revenue Department doesn’t bother to pay sympathy to the singles who need to buy a whole flat or a rice cooker on their own.
  • They don’t need to worry about breaking the Ten Commandments anymore. Simply google “marital sex” and you’ll have an idea of the truth and light that has been shed upon it.
Just kidding, my lovey-dovey friends. It’s just my little revenge for being asked over and over again when I’ll be joining your league. But I'm not ready to let go my red-packets-bagging days. Blink*

17 February 2010

I, The Lonely Walker

Like countless others, I have been so much accustomed to the hustle life of Hong Kong. Information and values constantly bombard me and try to infuse me with what is right and wrong. I have started to disconnect from my mortal coil. My words have long escaped me. For how long, I can no longer recall. This time, however, I feel a burning desire to write, to record my feeling, at least for this one time.

Says Nietzsche, "When you gaze into an abyss long enough, the abyss gaze back into you." Slowly, I have become one of those who are too rich to think and, in the mean time, too poor to care. I have become the monster I used to fight. I feel that there are thoughts but none can be spoken out, as if it is a kind of punishment for lies in Dante's hell. They have not ceased to exist nevertheless.

Since the last time I went to the conference in Taiwan, I have started to realise the joy of traveling alone. What inspirations followed were Seoul and Guangzhou (to see my grand parents). At first, I was wary about the risks and uncertainties about planning what to bring, what to tender. I could not refrain the looking at my watch to make sure everything was and would happen just as planned.

At the third time, when I returned from Guangzhou, I decided not to care. I hired a taxi and had it carried me to the train station. I checked in and there were plenty of time left. So, I walked around in the duty-free shops, and took a look at those overpriced tax-free merchandise. There were alcohols and tobacco, but too few to mention compared to the ones in the oh-so-proud Peking Airport. I strolled into the bookstore, and was quickly annoyed by the Lunar New Year tunes (I bet they were as old as time, seriously) and the simplified Chinese characters. So, I decided not to give a shot to her GDP growth, and plugged in my earphone and sat down. It was playing Mr. Children’s “Hanabi”.

I looked around and observed other visitors. There were very few people, probably because it was a night, which we were supposed to be staying with our parents. There were weary businessmen. There were some foreigners waiting silently for the boarding gate to open. There was no one who knew me; there was no one who could tell about my past, and there was no one who could judge who I was. As I had no past before them, I had no guilt. I was just anyone. This was freedom, bliss and an excitement that was hardly imaginable. Amongst these people, I was insignificant, and so they were to me. Things, which used to strike me hitherto and thither to, were as light as feather, and as invisible as air. Time mattered no one. I was just living at the moment while the arrow of time paused flying. The abyss no longer haunted me, as if I was in another dimension. Then I lit up a cigar and waited outside the train. I waited for the final call of the haul and I stepped back into the train. I picked up a few pieces of trash paper and began writing. After writing for a while, my eyelids abstained from looking outside.

When I woke up from the announcement, I was told I would arrive my home city in less than an hour. The city lights outside were passing with haste mercilessly. I was drained quickly back into time. I tried to sleep again but I could not, as I was overwhelmed by the reality: what I saw and felt were mere constellations that lied light-years away. Looking at the views outside, I asked myself whether this was the right train; Be it yes or no, life goes on. It was playing Journey's "Don't stop believing" in my iPhone.

W

13 February 2010

Happy CNY from the Libertines Pub!


歲晚收爐,初四啟市!(可能)
The Libertines Pub 仝人鞠躬


Happy CNY from the Libertines Pub!
(We know you don't give a shit, gweipos and gweilos! Go get shite drunk!)

We'll be back on February 17 (Hopefully)!


12 February 2010

It's going to blow

One of the news this week that catches my eyes is this. The locally employed pilots are fighting for equal treatment with their expatriate counterparts in the Company. With a glance, the news seems to suggest that the local pilots are requesting something ridiculous or at least doesn't make sense; i.e. housing allowance for a local employee working in his/her hometown. The company's response seems to reinforce this perception.

I heard some insider stories from a friend working there that might shed some lights on this. Not long ago, there were two applicants for the direct entry pilot positions, they both have the same qualification and were born and grew up overseas. Both of them got a HKID with residency. In the end, one of them was offered with expats terms while the other was offered local terms. The only difference between them is the skin colour. My friend also told me that the same situation happens in many other departments within Cathay Pacific like that of the aircraft maintenance.

This Hong Kong flagship airline company has been haunted by different labour court cases recently, you can find it here, here and here. When you let this little match fire continues to fuel, a chain reaction will starts very soon and fast. But, who left the matches in the wood in the first place?

The Libertines Pub's Important Reminder regarding Truth and Light

The Society for Truth and Light will have a flag day tomorrow 13 February 2010 on the Hong Kong Island.

Remember NOT to donate a shit!

Here is the reason why, in case you missed that.

If that is not enough, see what this wanker, a friend of the Society Zac Kao, has to say here. For those of you who had sex before marriage, you're just a dirty cunt/dick that everyone naturally avoids, according to Zac. Dude, the Pub gives you that big finger on fire!

Are you going to fund those suckers this Saturday?

11 February 2010

Free Beer! For REAL this time!

We've been tweeting about #FreeBeer, we've been talking about Free Beer in here and in our sad 160 fans Facebook fanpage. When will the Free Beer come that is not for tomorrow? Readers, it's on 18th of February, 2010!

The next Libertines Pub contributors drinking session will be on next Thursday 18 February 2010, starting from 7pm till dead faint. It will take place in the only place that let Henry in our favourite local pub Stag's Head. Come and join our retarded contributors there! Want to claim your Free Beer? Here's how.

We're desperately in need of fans in our Facebook page to boost our egos. We've set ourselves the target of getting 100,000 people in our page and then changing its name to "I believe I can find 100,000 people who hate Libertines Pub". We're sure that you can help on this:

  1. Invite as much friends as you can to join our Facebook page.
  2. Go to our drinking session. Show us those friends you invited who joined us after this post came out. (We have all the gadgets for you to log in your Facebook, no worries!)
  3. The person who has invited most friends in will get a Free Beer from the Pub.
  4. If there's a tie, our Ms Bambi Cherryboom will decide who is hot enough to should get the Free Beer.
Free Beer for REAL this time! Invite your friends and annoy them for the rest of their lives for a pint of Free Beer! It will definitely make your day!

P.S. We'll be live tweeting the BS from there, our official Twitter hashtag: #LPFreeBeer. See you all!

Angels. Please.


Salute! Ladies and Gentlemen! It is that time of the year again!!
When Christmas is only just 10 months away! Oh boy am I excited or what?! Now for those of you who have the un/fortunate experience of hanging out with a Christian Fellowship (or worked in a lame office) during Christmas, you might have played a game called ''secret angel'. The rules? I have not a clue, nor do I care. This paragraph only serves as a irrelevant introduction. (ed- He does this all the time, go ahead! check his older post!)

However, I do play a game called ''secret demon' daily and the game involves me acting like a jerk to a group of people secretly and treating them like shit for as long as they can take it. Then I move on to the next group. I always win. Good times.

While we are on the subject of Angels, the word Angel is probably the most misused word of our times. Together with babe/baby, sweetheart, honey, dude, dawg, man, bitch, my ni*ger and muthafuckers.

Probably.

So as the Pub's official lame jester senior religious correspondent, much like a friend who kindly reminds you it's a guy and not a chick winking at you in the streets of Bangkok, I felt it is my duty to, show you what Angels are really like.

One quick search in the amazing Google machine brought me picture of Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz. Nice.

While I can imagine when most people mentioned Angels, they usually have the white people with a pair wings kind of angels in mind . (I googled Black Angels, and it's white people with black clothes and black wings? WTF? Where are the coloured Angel?!)

Why not let me show you how some of the Angels are like in the kingdom of Heaven? Because we all know that Christian Angel are the most bestest Angels!!!! (Even thou Muslim recognize Angel as messengers of God too. but nobody care about those angels. really. and we are not going to talk about them. now.)

Meet the Seraphim - according to the my super duper reliable source (Wikipedia?)-

The Seraphim serve as the caretakers of God's throne and continuously shout praises: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts. All the earth is filled with His Glory." The name Seraphim means "the burning ones."

If you think continuously shouting the same phase for all eternity is awkward wait till you read how these guys look like...

The Seraphim have six wings; two covering their faces, two covering their bodies ("feet"), and two with which they fly.

What? Not white people with a pair wings attached to their back?

Also there are:
The Cherubim: whom have four faces: A lion, Ox, Eagle and Man, much like a walking zoo.

The Ophanim: appear as a beyrl-coloured wheel-within-a-wheel, their rims covered with hundreds of eyes. Not even Jay-z has rims like that y'all

Now these are just a few of the Angels in the kingdom of heaven, apparently there are many many types of Angels and some actually are supposes to look like people with wings attached to them!! (rejoices! Renaissance Artists!). While much like human, they all have very different purposes and shapes, but..unlike human who has the power of the freewill, all of them are powerful machine who were designed by Gendo Ikari to follow God's order mindlessly and perfectly.

One of them actually tried to start his own business and ended up being blackballed for all eternity, but at least he got his own apartment downstairs to get away from those annoying Seraphim and a whole music genre dedicated to him/her.

So next time when you've decided to call someone an Angel, be more specific. But if you just wanted to call him/her an Angel to show what a mindless creature who follows without question he/she is, you probably got it right, man/dawg/dude/babe/honey/sweetheart/my n*gger/muthafucka.










10 February 2010

Smoke gets in my hair

Last week from the second-language newspaper I exclusively read (I leave the job of screening Apple Daily to Henry already), I was shocked to know a government advisory body is proposing bans on people lighting up in the street and on the depiction of smoking in films.

I don’t smoke so I don’t enjoy conflict of interests in writing this post. However, as an empathetic human being, I couldn’t imagine what life would be if the government choose to ban my addictions (namely, the Hong Kong-styled milk tea, chocolates, flirting with bad boys) in the manner it bans smoking.

Whenever I need a caffeine boost at work, I would need to leave the work I’m doing, go outside the office building and hide like a naughty dog.

On every cup of milk tea I buy, there would be a huge sticker on the cup featuring a cranky premature aging lady, warning me milk tea is bad for my heart and skin.

I could only taste my La Maison du Chocolat truffles in the street, the heavenly aroma and silky texture mixed with the fume of vehicles.

Before I hang out in the clubs, I would need to research for the few which allow flirting and hook-ups, or embarrassingly ask the bartender if it’s okay to do so.

In a word, my life, alongside the society, would be extremely bitter. The Law, undeniably, serves the purpose of protecting citizens from harm, like requiring us to wear a seatbelt even it creases my ruffled dress. However, at the same time, it also serves the principle of preserving individual rights and freedom. In cases where both principles conflict, the Law should balance out the harm and the importance of the freedom. When it comes to smoking, if the government decides that it is as harmful as throwing a child down the shopping mall balcony, why can’t it just ban smoking completely?

It can’t let go of the tax revenue from smokers of course.

As for the proposal to ban the depiction of smoking in films, the chairwoman from the Council on Smoking and Health cited the example of Avatar, claiming that it builds an image that smart people smoke and thus tempts quitters to resume their old habit.

It is as absurd as suggesting Avatar tempts women to dye themselves blue because Neytiri, the heroine in the film, is hot and fierce.

I watched Trainspotting when I was a teenage girl. Did I surrender to the allure of heroine because Ewan McGregor looks so cool in it? No.

I also watched the film Coco Before Chanel. Did I follow Coco’s puffing habit because she’s such a trailblazer in women fashion? Another no.

The reason for someone to pick up an addiction is so complicated and diversified that the government and its advisors have no clue but to find a handy explanation to blame on. Then they propose a simpleton solution.

Truth is, since the smoking ban, no one, at least the smokers in my circle, has given up the tabs. When I need some chit-chat after a dinner or a film, I still need to go outdoors with them, inhaling their wit and second-hand smoke. I still need to compromise on the places for drinks so that we are surrounded by air conditioner exhaust to negate my companions’ guilt of polluting fresh air. I still keep mum to what they’re doing to their lungs just to keep them from rolling eyes on me. When the smoking ban doesn’t work in the first place, extending the ban is like giving the kiss of life to a blow-up doll: totally hopeless.

Just like smudged eye makeup, ending up with smoke in my hair after a night out means I was having fun. Who loves to be flawless and clean anyway?

09 February 2010

This is a post about SEX, filter me out, sucker!

Last week, a reader came whining about one of our posts getting blocked by the filter at school. We care about our readers so much that we offered to sort the problem out for him. We first thought that it might only be a technical problem and our IT team is ready help on that; so we asked for a screenshot:


No wonder our reader was that upset about not able to read our post once it came out; it's the debut post by our hot chick Bambi Cherryboom for Christ's sake! If I were him, I'd have thrown a punch at the computer and burn the whole place down! Our IT team checked and found that the filter at his school is this wicked firewall called NetProtect, a CUHK tailor-made firewall application for schools and SMEs. The IT team said there's nothing much they can do about that, and they suggested having the editorial committee to look at the blocked contents and check for strings that the NetProject does not like. (You can now imagine the corporate management at the Libertines Pub...)

The editors hence checked word by word Bambi's post. The editorial committee is of the opinion that Bambi's post is more educational than pornographic. There're fine pieces of advice on how a woman should treat her body and sexuality. We had a hard time finding out the essential difference between Bambi's post and this educational material, only that Bambi's post is hundreds times more interesting. Words like "fuck" didn't even exist in her post. We really have no clue why the great NetProtect should filter us out. We're frustrated.

Is it because of the title "Why sex can boost your luck"? Are they worrying that their students will go fucking like rabbits after reading that, in order to boost their luck? Or is it merely about the word "sex"? We want to conduct this little experiment:

Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex

Readers, tell me if this post is banned. We're also interested in knowing if we're banned in other occasions as well, write me or comment to this post. We want you to be able to read us wherever you may roam!

Lunch with a libertine

I often love to lose my redneck colleagues at lunch and grab a bite with someone nicer in a better neighbourhood. I tried multiple times to get our Bambi Cherryboom out to lunch; but the places she named were just beyond my budget. Can't help, she's an self-proclaimed OL from Central after all. So I tried something easier yesterday; I took the young girl next door out. Long legs, big eyes. She's definitely a sight for sore eyes. The only problem is that she watched both Twilight and Twilight New Moon. I can take Twilight as a mistake, but New Moon...And she started the lunch off by telling me that it was her sixth time watching Titanic last Sunday on TV. I let my eyes do their rituals while shutting down my ears on her.

We're in one of those cafes on Gough Street. Sitting next to our zero privacy table (typical setting in those filthy cafes) were two fine middle aged women. One of them were making different phone calls in walkie talkie style (speaking while holding the damn phone in front of her mouth instead of sticking it to her face and simply not listening to the receiver at all). Her furious explanation on certain something to her lunch mate and her wicked way of using the phone caught my ears (while my eyes were still on the big eyes and those legs). She was moaning about the sewage overflow problem at her residence near Gough Street. I learned that they had asked DAB for help already, but as they're not sure if DAB could help, somebody suggested approaching Kam Nai-wai, who is also a member of Central and Western District Council. I guest it's the slogan from Kam's blog at work here; "Find DP if you need help, DPHK works!". I was a bit puzzled at first by the warning that furious woman gave her fellow angry residents, "when you get to Kam's office, don't let them take pictures of you!" I thought she's worried that Kam would use the pictures taken to make advances express interests to her. But then I realised where she's coming from on that. She simply doesn't want to appear on the next promotional flyer of the Democratic Party. I can't help but thinking that must be typical: it doesn't matter if they're DAB or the pigeons, when shit happens (reads: you got a shit flood at home), you bring them in to deal with it. Just don't let them take pictures.

That woman's calls to other people repeating the same warning over her walkie talkie lost their groove, so I started checking out the conversation at the table on my right hand side. Another two fine young ladies were there. Half of their conversation was in English, mixed with Cantonese sentences in between; typical bitches classy ladies you see everyday in Central. I saw tears in their eyes while they're seemingly talking about something serious. They're from Maryknoll Convent School and they're talking about their neither-god-nor-church-could-save tree. Most of their dialogues went around a never ending loop similar to comments you read here. I was just thinking, what'd these intelligent girls say about this accident. Of course, that pine is not just a pine to them, it's their hometree. Rest in Peace, tree. If you've ever been really unrest in your 70-year life.

At last, my ears turned to the legs again and learned that she's Team Jacob. I love lunches, especially those on Mondays. Cherryboom, could we pick something more affordable?

08 February 2010

On Gossiping


Think of the newstands that are occupied with gossip magazines. Think of the people who gossip about celebrities when you walk in a restaurant. Think of your colleagues who gossip about your bosses when you enter the office. Think of your classmates in schools who are spreading rumours about some of your other friends when you walk into your classroom.

What does that tell you? Gossiping in Hong Kong is a habit widely considered immoral and wicked. It intrudes our privacy and wears down our reputation. It denies the teaching of the Confucius that human nature is inherently good. But humans always contradict themselves. While we are condemning the unacceptable acts of the Paparazzi, we are gossiping every day. We would be indignant at the paparazzi of shooting photographs of celebrities being naked and at the same flip through those magazines at home and meditate on them.

In Hong Kong, moralists and specialists are in the habit of accusing the people of Hong Kong being too reluctant to read actual books and spend most of their time reading gossip magazines for leisure. But we are living in the twenty-first century. Being a commercially driven society, money has replaced the gods as the object of worship. Merits related to money should be considered virtue. The day of a successful business man is dense with meetings. Our employers invest their faith in Social Darwinism to justify the ills of capitalism and remain at the top of the social hierarchy. Their employees, with the fear of losing a job, must accept their unreasonable salary by doing a great amount of work. For the unfortunate, they may have to moonlight or work overtime.

Therefore, my dear readers, can you imagine a normal employee in Hong Kong would have the time and mental capacity to engage in intellectual activities and useless political discussions? Perhaps he needs time to laugh at the silly acts of politicians and poke fun at the stories which celebrities have unskillfully fabricated. Perhaps he needs some entertaining. Perhaps he needs gossips to put away their anxieties of work. After all, he was brought up under the saying, 'Hard work is a virtue.'

W

05 February 2010

I'm in your blog, ruining your democracy

Did you guys read yesterday's post? Yea, It's by a girl (I heard she's hot) and the content was good too.

As with most things, Ying usually is followed by Yang. Hence I'm here to counter all that good stuff and make your long Friday, even longerrrrr. YEAH!!


(I can almost hear you guys moaning ''oh no, not Eric! Can't it be Will or Henry? or that Hot Chick from yesterday, dammit, Dick or Icarus are fine too, but not Eric!)

Sorry but I've got sour news for you, much like this great techo village of Hong Kong, this pub ain't running on the democratic juice neither.

Speaking of democracy, not so long time ago in a village not so far away, the LSD (annoying members, but ROCKING acronym!! Dude!) managed to get the attention they deserved by resigning from their uber important seats on the council of the Galactic Empire. Not only to piss Vader and the Emperor off but to also use the attention they've gathered, milked them for as long as possible, then collected the essence to make hair conditioner for the guy with the long hair.

Just check out the guy on the right, look at those mane, look it at, I SAID LOOK AT IT!! So long, so wavy, it's majestic, isn't it? Jealous much? I know I am.

Apart from taking a pop at grand daddy and making hair conditioner. I think they also resigned for some other shitty reason, which I forgot..Would you guys please excuse me and wait, while I call Henry to ask?

While I make this call, why don't you guys read this post from the pub, I think it's some how related. BRB...





Ok...I did called Henry and he called me a fuckface then told me to fucking use the fucking Google...

Bastardo....what's wrong with him..it's only 4am in the morning.


So I did fucking use the fucking Google and it turns out that the LSD were pushing for a resign-for-referendum plan, how did that work out for them? I don't know, my time machines broke down, and Michael J. Fox is too old to time travel with me, but blindly pushing for a general election referendum without educating the population on democracy 1st, is just a disastrous clusterfucks waiting to happen...and one that I will thoroughly enjoy lol hard at.

But hey! Since you guys are much smarter than me (Be confident! Judging from this post, u can tell a 2 year old is smarter than me already) and you guys DID read that post I linked earlier (bloody good post, right?!?!!? Right?!!)

Perhaps you will realized that all that money and energy spent on pushing for a general election might all be down the shitter once the Emperor uses his ace up his sleeves and do us a Iran/U.S/Nigeria/Afghanistan/ <-list too long, use the fucking google to find the rest. It might all be too late, just ask the Iranian/American/Nigerian/Afghan So, stop relying on the attention collecting fairies and education yourself on your democracy!! Me? Fuck that! I'm off to play Assassin Creed 2 on my PS3.(Hellooooo!! Sony endorsement!)

That's how awesome I am.

On Writing.

I am not here to talk about Stephen King's fiction but the act writing itself. For a person like me who doesn't write often and well, this act is really "For writing sake, I write." Just like many other shits columns you may come across on newspaper, no matter free or paid. Paid newspaper doesn't gurantee anything but more paper, Henry's favourite newspaper is a good example but not the only one.

Read this if you read Chinese. For those who don't, please use our great Google translator. I give you a little explanation in case the translator returns you with some funny things. The writer is commenting on a magazine cover with a photo of Christina Chan wearing "sexy" clothing at home taken by paparazzi. The magazine detained the photo for a year and have it published after some civic events in January. The writer's logic is, Christina and her followers should thank the magazine for help in propagating her politic belief while other entertainers artists have to spend a lot of effort to make up stories with reporters for a magazine cover. And Christina herself should be blamed for wearing such "sexy" clothing at home that gave chance to paparazzi......etc....etc. For a similar issue 4 years ago, a young female singer was captured changing backstage and the photos were put on a magazine cover. The same writer wrote on her blog with a very different standpoint.

Sorry readers, I tried to think in the writer's shoes but it's so smelly which I couldn't stay long. Do you?

If you are paying for shit columns like this. Read us, for free and free beer too.

04 February 2010

Why sex can boost your luck

I, as a woman, always believe women should be protected from violence, rape and abuse. They must know how to protect themselves because their body is so hot that their male counterparts fantasize about access to it every 5 seconds. Life is too short to entertain all the lonely, bored and inadequate dicks in the world. We should save it for someone who’s not only after one thing, or who’s after one thing but too hot / too cute / too rich to resist. Right? (Provided that you are a well-informed adult and take safety precautions of course. Disclaimer in place.)

However, whenever I read news about some alleged rape / indecent assault cases, I was as perplexed by the story lines as by the Universe. You left your hubby at home, drank at a hotel bar alone, made out with a horse trainer you just met in your car, decided you were not up for further encounter, then accused the trainer of assaulting you? What rationale you can put up except you can’t bear yourself to be fondled without spiritual love? You agreed to be driven home by a medical school alumnus you just met at a party, stayed the night at his place and the next morning you accused the guy of raping you? Being shocked to find you can be seduced by a non-boyfriend/husband/Brad Pitt material overnight, or you can have sex but not make love, doesn’t mean you did not consent. Simple logic.

Recently, the case of a teen model being tricked into having sex “rituals” nine times by a Taoist Mao Shan master put me to further wonder. As a member of the Smarter Sex, I’m oh so unwilling to admit we can be this stupid to agree on having unprotected sex with an ugly guy thrice our age. Not to mention there are no 1000 thread count bedding and erotic candles, but probably cartoon-print bed sheets and smelly incense. Yikes.

As a result, I would like to adopt a more emphatic approach to deduce why some women fall prey to such mysterious trick, which I believe, had happened and will happen again and again.

The most probable reason is that some women, especially those aspiring to be models, tried and it worked. Others are convinced as a result. From the papers we knew the Mao Shan master was recommended to the victim by her friend. Doesn’t it tell us something? Maybe it’s not a trick at all. Maybe it’s a secret truth that yearns to be tested and proved.

Which leads to my conclusion, if my reasoning serves me right:

Sex does bring you luck.

Because:

  • It releases the “feel-good hormone” endorphin, which gives you a positive outlook on every aspect of your life. Positive attitude attracts positive luck.
  • It gives you an afterglow, and glowing skin is essential for modeling career.
  • It may boost your pheromone production, which draws you a large fan base.
  • It is a nice workout session for all your sexy assets. We all sell sex in some way, don’t we?
  • It teaches us what works on our bosses (i.e. our beloved males) and what doesn’t, so that we can suck their purse with all our might.
Once we grab this simple fact, we are free to choose anyone to share this dose of luck. So why bother paying some old baldy to do the job?

I’m going to grab someone for some fortune making tonight. May fortune be with you in CNY. Muah*


Bambi is here to disprove the statement "there are no girls on the internet". We met her in one of the thousands Omegle sessions we tried, where she came back with "21/f/HK" when we asked. Her insight and knowledge on how to give men boner relationship put libertines here to shame. She claimed that she is an OL working in Central; but considering the fact that she never managed to answer a phone call before noon and her extensive sexual knowledge, we're just not sure. Nerds, there're girls on the internet, at least at the Libertines Pub.

03 February 2010

For fuck's sake we get married in front of God

It's entertaining to read the tasteless Apple Daily once in a while, especially their jazzy entertainment pages. Last week, a reader sent us this report by Apple Daily on the wedding of two long forgotten starlets, Yu Chiu (趙頌茹) and Roy Chow (周永恒).

The interesting bit of this junk news is the Christianity of their wedding. Roy said:

We've been living together for six years. Last November, Zac Kao asked if we had premarital sex, and whether we had broken the Ten Commandments. For that we decided to celibate in the last two months or so and arrange this wedding in haste. No, it's not about Yu getting pregnant. We've been looking forward to this night.

Don't understand what the fuck he was trying to say? My translation as below:

We've been living together for fuck's sake and we've been fucking like rabbits, before that sucker asked if we had fucked. Alas, what we did was against God's will. As good Christians we stopped, but we just can't take it without, well, fucking for two bloody months or so! I was so damn smart and I figured the way out: we'd get married for fuck's sake! We've got lube stocked up for tonight! Hurray!

This is how the members of the Jesus Christ fanclub deal with things. They sort of repent ambiguously of what they did wrong according to the thousands years old book called Bible. Then, they found that they still miss that old in-out in-out shit; therefore they get married in front of their God. That's the righteousness we need!

And what's up with that fellow called Zac Kao (高皓正)? He appeared in the Pub once two weeks ago. Remember this douche clip he made for the Truth and Light Flag Day? I heard that he had given a talk on creationism to a group of students, his "argument" goes something like this:

Let's talk about the hair. Apes are fluffy. Their hair keeps them warm. Do you think it's possible for those apes to think one day, "let's loose our hair!" and become human? It's not possible, right?! Apes are apes, humans are humans!

I hope those students didn't take this clown serious. I mean, even Mr Garrison can explain that better! (For those of you wanted to read some real sciences instead of South Park, go here) Any 15-year-old could tell that evolution isn't about thinking but selective pressure, dude!

For whatever reasons, Christian celebrities fancy bragging about the miracle of their God these days. Sammi Cheng made her comeback as a born-again Christian and managed to sell 60,000+ copies of her Christian Pop album within two weeks. I do not want to suggest that Christianity has become the latest marketing buzzword of the entertainment industry, but our own liberal maverick Christian Eric referred me to a passage from the Bible:

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. Mathew 6:5

Sounds like Jesus despised hypocrisy as much as the Libertines Pub does...

02 February 2010

The Libertines Pub List of Hong Kong Misnomers

Last time when I went to Shenzhen, I found some restaurants there are now selling "Hong Kong Fried Rice". I reckoned immediately that must be a revenge taken by our Fujianese brothers, for our attribution of the barely eatable, sticky "Fujianese Fried Rice" to their home province.

Misnomers are everywhere. As a serious and responsible blog, we feel the need of presenting to our readers a list of the most retarded seriously misleading names in Hong Kong. Here you go, The Libertines Pub List of Hong Kong Misnomers:

1. The Democratic Alliance for the Betterment and Progress of Hong Kong

Self-explanatory. The DAB is so democratic that they put the Democratic Party to shame. Well, I mean, what else couldn't?

2. The Society for Truth and Light

We all crave for Truth and Light like the Society. They found the eternal truth of the world, which spells, "gay is wrong and it will lead to STD and AIDS". How did they find that? Out of the book of eternal truth called the Holy Bible. So, watch out, gay lions and lobsters! Eric the shotgun at God's service.

3. Mass Transit Railway

You thought their core business is carrying you slaves to work in a massive and efficient way? Dick found it's just another Hong Kong misnomer. Their core business can be found here. Stop whining, Anti Choo Choo angry kids! Buy this instead.

4. Court of Final Appeal

We're taught that nothing is final. Even Final Fantasy made it to XIII. That's the 13th final, you see! So you've spent millions of dollars in court and won FINALLY in the Court of Final Appeal? Pray that your case has nothing to do with the Basic Law! According to Article 158 of the Basic Law, the Standing Committee of the National People's Congress (SCNPC) has the right to interpret our mini constitution. Court of Final Appeal? You're authorised by the SCNPC on your "final" interpretation only. Although we're not at all unhappy about the result of this particular case, we still think...what a name (misnomer)!

5. Hong Kong Coliseum

Looking up to the great Roman Empire, we built our own Coliseum in Hung Hom. There's no lion eating gladiators, only Joey Yung does her annual concert and screws 10,000+ people every night there. The misleading part being its Chinese name: 香港體育館. What's the last sport event you remember seeing there?

6. Professional Commons

Before the Anti Choo Choo protest, I guess most of us knew shit about this daft organisation. How professional one ought to be to become a prestige member of this respectable organisation? You need 100 professional HK dollars each year. And who're the existing professionals there? In their strategy committee, I can identify one engineer, a few accountants, a lawyer, and a bunch of IT "professionals" (next time when your server is down or you're having a funny internet connection, sue your IT guys for their professional negligence; they asked for that). So yes, professionals, I think you guys are...very common.

7. Urban Renewal Authority

Their vision: To create quality and vibrant urban living in Hong Kong - a better home in a world-class city. Keywords: home, urban living.

Results: Re-development projects with colourful names that you can never afford to live in and call that home.

8. Cyberport

Their visions: Establish Hong Kong Cyberport as a leading information technology hub and digital city of the Asia-Pacific region. David Webb told us that the project was awarded to the son of Li Ka-shing without tender, and that according to the government, "two-thirds of the site will be for Cyberport development". Outcome: 76% of the floor area became the now well-known Bel-Air. Out of the 17% floor area that became offices, how many percent of the tenants are "quality IT and IT related companies critical to the development of Hong Kong into a leading digital city in the region"? You do the calculation here. Maybe its name is not that misleading after all. Its achievements are entirely...cyber. Just look at their "cyber" website; why one needs to "click to zoom" to look at the PDF files? What does that mean? Leading IT hub, my ass.

9. Happy Valley

Who's happy in the Happy Valley? I'm sure the people who manage to live there are happy as hell. For the gamblers it's almost always unhappy.

10 The Libertines Pub

It turns out that the Libertines Pub is not a pub but a blog. For those of you who googled "good pubs in HK" and found us, sorry, Free Beer here (tomorrow)!

These are the 10 Hong Kong misnomers I could think of. Have I missed any good shits? Help expand the list, peeps!