12 September 2009

An Open letter to MY god. Yep, MY god, NOT yours. Part 1.


Dearest Lord and Savior,

Hey, how's it going? How are things? I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to manage the whole universe when I can barely manage my own life! That's why it's always cool to have you around ( althou sometimes I wonder... are you really around? I wouldn't want you to see me..well you know.. eh. nevermind)

So anyway, as you've already knew (what don't you know, eh?) we had a deal, and one end of the deal involve me getting baptized (what? yeah I know, people think I follow Scientology, lol I'm wacky, but not THAT wacky, thank you v much.). So yeah, you got me man, I am finally getting baptized, most likely at your son's b-day party this year.

However, before I fully commit to this Christian life and be saved, I just have a few things that I wanna ask. I've decided to write you an open letter since you stopped speaking to us directly some 3000 years ago and need this guy to represent you on Earth, sorry wrong pic... this guy actually. (but wow, can we get a side by side pic of Palpatine and Benedict together, just for laughs? You do like laughs, right? ouch... why does my kidney suddenly hurts...ow.. ok ok I will stop the emperor pope jokes)

So let us begin.

While we're at it, let's stay on the topic of Benedict. I just wanna know, how do you feel about the Papal conclave? How does it feel to have a bunch of HUMANS to decided who to represent you on Earth? I dunno man. Did you gave the Papal H.R department special Holy Power to appoint?!?!? After all we human have never never never and will NEVER!! used your name to fulfill our own sick mind, right?! I mean, people down here pretty much worship this guy, don't you think he's kinda stealing your thunder? Oh and does he really has a direct line to you? I hope he doesn't call you in the middle of the night very often (or worst, on SUNDAY!!) btw what time zone are you in? I wouldn't want my prayers to disturb you.

Moving onward to the topic of human intervention. I knew that people credited you as the author of the best selling book on Earth (ever!) but we all know you have better literature skills than that! I mean how dare they framed you for writing the Book of Numbers!! Try reading it! It will makes you want to rest already and it's not even Sunday yet!!!

Another thing about the Bible, did you know that we somehow call the Hebrew part ''Old testament''?

Do you know they sort of portrayed you as a jerk in that part? So much so that some Hotel now days only put ''New Testament'' inside their nightstand now? Don't believe me? here and here. See that? Straight to the part about your son, they totally skipped all those great things you did in the Hebrew part. e.g Destroying nations, treating Job like crap just to prove a point, drowning the whole world, turning people into salt pillar. etc etc. jeez. I wonder why, man. I love them Hebrew bible stories.

Oh lord, just look at the time!! It's almost Sunday!!! and according to our dearest bible, you just love to rest on Sundays, eventhou you are omnipresence and it is kinda pointless for us to try defining you anyway. So let us call it a night for now. Come Monday I'll get back to you with more questions, K?

Love,
xoxoxo

Eternally yours (lol literally!!)

Eric

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