07 August 2009

The Libertines Pub Summer Class: your drug test survival tips revision

Uncle Suen finally unveiled the "details" of the school drug test yesterday. There were both good and bad news for our junkie kids.

Before that, let's read what 練乙錚 thought about the test here, following what we shared with you yesterday. This might make the Pub more trustworthy somehow.

Good news

Here's the good news. They're only testing for five kinds of drugs. And they are:
  1. Ketamine
  2. Ice
  3. Ecstasy
  4. Marijuana (DAMN!)
  5. Cocaine
The Libertines Pub is now soliciting fund to speculate on cough syrup. We want to become the sole cough syrup provider in Hong Kong, because we see this once popular, legal, easy to obtain, and cheap, drug will have its come-back.

Moreover, they will let you pee alone in the washroom. Shop your fake pee online! Or simply get some from your little brother or sister.

After hearing about the good news, let's do some revision before hearing about the bad news.

Revision class on the survival tips the Pub provided weeks ago and still work after the great efforts of the government

Adults my ass! We paid millions of dollars to hire these bunch of AOs and bureau secretaries to come up with a drug test scheme which couldn't answer the cheats our kids worked out! Let's do our revision for the summer!

  1. Search for "how to pass a drug test?" online;
  2. Pick an easy to memorise name out of the list of substances which give you false positive results;
  3. Switch to other things (anything not on the list of five drugs above);
  4. It's ok to get high during summer holiday, Christmas holiday, and maybe Easter holiday too! You can manage to go back clean;
  5. Keep a little bottle of clean urine with you;
  6. Simply refuse the test and say: PRIVACY!
And for the bad news

If you get caught, nothing will happen kids! They will just report that to the Police Liaison Officer!

They said, you're not going to be interrogated. They would only ask you about the source of the drug.

I wonder if they would say "please" upon asking, too. Since when a Police Liaison Officer ceased to be a police constable and would constrain his/herself from interrogation and investigation?

Once a Police Liaison Officer is alerted on the result, it becomes a de facto criminal investigation, pal!

Are the kids gonna hear the rights upon the report to the police, then?

After all the mocking and joke survival tips the Libertines Pub presented in all these entries, I found that our government is totally hopeless for the whole shit. I grew nauseous and tired of following the issue, as it is as stupid as you can get!

Hong Kong Government, I beg you please, it's about our kids. Stop messing with them for your political hidden agenda, they're fucking innocent!

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