23 June 2009

Did you really think you were in charge??

Are you boys and girl having fun watching the Iranian election clusterfuck? I sure am!! Nothing more entertaining than seeing a foreign angry mob desperately trying to hold on to democracy, while at the same time not realizing the results really is as irrelevant as Darth Vader appearing on American idol (What?).

Forgive me if I seem ignorant (I am), but yours truly is failing to see the point in having a president when you have a appointed supreme leader at the same time? Say whatever you want about Ahmadinejad and his non-tie wearing ass, isn’t it really the guy with the crazy beard and sexy black turban(1) who is in charge. For fuck sakes! He has been since 1989!

Anyway, the Iranian has really outdone themselves I say! Last time an international election fraud that gain so much publicity had no burning cars and the police sure as hell weren’t shooting at the losing sides!(2) While some of you might have been too young/drunk /doped up/downloading music from Napster/licking your dot.com bubble burst wounds to remember what happened in 2000, I was wayyy too impressed by the drama 9 years ago.

Let us recap on what happened, shall we?

The year is 2000, after 2 successful(3) terms as the King of Freedom aka the President of the World, William ‘Bill’ Clinton left office and it is election season for the great country of USA !! Woot woot! Enter the red white and blue balloons and super cool rock star touring buses(4)!!! Roll over real news! Here come months of non-stop important election coverage on your news networks(5)!!!

Long story short, after months of primaries that filtered out unpopular/under-funded/ ugly/gay candidates, it was a contest between a future noble prize winner(6) and a post turtle(7)

It was a close election, closer than most would like to admit today (you voted for who in 2000? Prepared to be judged and called a redneck by the ‘righteous’ people!!! ) How did it end? Well, the candidates with the most popular vote ended up losing(8) that’s how it went. Shits happened right? RIGHT?!?!????

Cue the butt-hurts recounts and the mass media tomfoolery outrage, and the rest, as they say, were history/comedy.

Here, have some Colbert/Bush classic!!! Almost didn't happened becoz of Gore!

The US of A, at the pinnacle of democracy, yet with no national standard for conducting elections, states and municipalities are free to oversee voting as they see fits, ancient voting equipments(9), a confusing as fuck electoral college system(10), some would say the election was ripe for rigging. They would never admit it, but then they still haven’t admitted to the fact that they lied about Iraq neither.

While populist in Hong Kong are shouting for general election for the position of chief executive, it would be sensible to consider the fact that, the government of Hong Kong will always have a Supreme Overlord, and while it would seem to have achieved something to the extent of getting a win over your supreme overlord by having a general election. Just remember, having the right to vote does not necessary mean you have the power in your hand.

Footnotes from hell: (Are you enjoying reading this article up and down?? It just a trick I use to make it looks professional and meaningful!)

(1) Grand Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is sexy by default, as all Ayatollah are. No comment from him regarding his relation to the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla (rumoured to be Chris Jericho). Yet.

(2) As much as Dick Cheney would’ve like to.

(3) No comment on political success, entrainment wise it was a damn resounding success never seen before, until George W. Bush opened his mouth and tried to address the nation.

(4) (www.bushlegacytour.com/page/-/bushlegacytour/images/BushLegacyBus-Ext.jpg). Come on, dudes, you know you want a bus like that too.

(5) http://blog.indecisionforever.com/2008/04/21/campaigning-in-the-world-of-warcraft/ Elections for nerds. Btw the author thinks The Daily Show is a real source of news. The author is also mildly mentally handicapped.

(6) For making a giant Power Point presentation about weather. blah..and they never give one to Ghandi (!)Fuck u Noble!

(7) You see a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle. You know he didn't get up there by himself. He doesn't belong there; he can't get anything done while he's up there; and you just want to help the poor, dumb thing down

(8) True Fact!! (The only one in this article!) Gore 48.38% Bush 47.87% http://www.fec.gov/pubrec/2000presgeresults.htm I wouldn’t bullshit you!!! I might bullshit you with moral myth-busting theories, but not election results!!!!! Friends just don’t do that to each other man.

(9) Almost two million ballots were ‘disqualified’ in the 2000 election because they registered multiple votes or none when run through vote-counting machines.PCCW take note, vote planting is just too complicated for this day and age.

(10) Help yourselves--http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Electoral_College. Fucking hard to understand, but bloody excellent for interactive chart making on 24-hours news network. Here’s John King from CNN trying to make sense of what’s happening in the HDTV world of politic http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2008/04/22/arts/television/cnn.span.jpg

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